The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships by Tian Dayton, PhD

Because the cortex was not fully involved in the storage of traumatic memories, the ACoA may have never processed the experiences nor put them into a logical context and sequence. Consequently, the traumatic memories can be difficult to access through reflective talking alone (Sykes Wylie, , 2004). This can be interpreted by the therapist as what may appear to be resistance but in reality is related to a loss of access not only to repressed feeling, but also to any understanding of what actually may have occurred. When asked to tell their story in therapy, a client may draw a complete blank. For this reason I find psychodrama, which allows memory to emerge through action and role play, is an ideal form of therapy–if done properly–for trauma resolution.

What Are the Effects of Alcoholic Parents?

Counselor offers online continuing education, article archives, subscription deals, and article submission guidelines. It has been serving the addiction field for more than thirty years. Adrenaline is highly addictive to the brain and may act as a powerful mood enhancer. Speeding, sexual acting out, spending money, fighting, drugging, working too hard or other behaviors done in a way that puts one at risk are some examples of high-risk behaviors (van der Kolk, 1987).

And still others find that trauma therapy, on its own, is their preferred mode of healing. While here, you’ll learn healthier ways to cope with challenges and how to keep the past from getting in the way of the present. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is get help. Maybe your parent was irritable, easily aggravated, or verbally or emotionally abusive while drinking or in withdrawal. Experiencing these behaviors from a parent can also wear down your self-worth over time.

• When we feel that nothing we can do will affect or change the situation we’re in, we may develop learned helplessness.
• Adult children of alcoholics may feel the fear, anxiety, anger and self-hatred that lives on from their childhood.
• They are essentially free and by their tradition are not connected with any sort of commercial enterprise.
• An adult child of an alcoholic may exhibit insecure attachment styles, such as anxious-preoccupied or dismissive-avoidant, due to emotional neglect experienced in childhood, impacting their relationships and emotional well-being.
• As well, growing up watching your parents take part in negative conflict is also scary, angering, and provokes anxiety.

ACoAs all too often become addicts themselves, engaged in a compulsive relationship with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work or money as a form of mood management. Part of getting and staying sober involves facing childhood pain so that it doesn’t remain unresolved and inwardly active, which could trigger relapse (van der Kolk, 1987). People who are consistently being wounded emotionally and are not able to address or process these feelings openly and honestly may develop rigid psychological defenses to manage or ward off pain. There are several different signs and symptoms of PTSD and trauma exhibited by adult children of alcoholics. Similar to PTSD, any one symptom can be problematic and can have a negative impact on the quality of life for the individual. Many children with parents who struggle with addiction also experience feelings of low self-esteem or low self-worth.

Therefore, the Wisdom Within Counseling team wants you to know that you are perfect just the way you are. Even if that may be hard to believe right now, holistic, creative, somatic therapies help resolve complex post-traumatic stress disorder. And that the personality complications caused by this early pain and stress can and often do emerge years and years after the fact.

Stuck in homes where they feel scared and threatened, they too can be overwhelmed with emotions that are too scary or painful for them to feel, hurt that’s being caused by the very people who are supposed to be protecting them. And that monster was as frightening to me as the other side of him was beautiful. At different times of the month, the week, and eventually the day, the monster would take over my father, and I would have no idea where my “real” dad had gone. And the monster roared its terrible roar and sat in my father’s chair in the living room.

For example, studies indicate that daughters with fathers suffering from alcohol use disorder tend to create more insecure attachment behaviors in comparison with those with non-alcoholic fathers. You may start to fear your own anger, needing to control it at all times. Through rehab and therapy, you can develop the skills to be able to mindfully react to feelings without feeling threatened. Studies show that having a parent addicted to alcohol causes lower self-esteem9 in many cases. One reason for this is that many children of alcoholics believe they’re to blame for their parent’s addiction.

Coping With Loved Ones’ Alcohol Abuse: The Benefits of Joining Al-Anon

Talk therapy one-on-one or group counseling, somatic experiencing, and EMDR are highly effective in addressing the signs of trauma and developing new, healthy coping mechanisms. Roughly 1,300 children in the U.S. suffer from abusive head trauma each year, with one-quarter of them dying as a result of their injuries. Survivors often face lifelong physical and cognitive challenges.

Physical Health Issues

Pursuing healing through rehab or therapy can help you develop a truer sense of self-love. Many ACoAs seek recognition from the outside world for their achievements as an escape from the dysfunction at home. When you don’t receive consistent affection just for being you, you grow up feeling worthy only because of your accomplishments. And especially when you’re young, the only parts of your life in your control are often your performance in school or extracurriculars. Many ACoAs also grow up feeling like it’s their job to keep their family afloat. You may have started working to earn money for your family very early in life or taken on a parental role to younger siblings.

Their words and actions can send several hurtful messages, which can run the gamut from you being the reason they drink, to you’re a bad person and they don’t care about you. Living with an alcoholic keeps your fight, flight, or freeze response in overdrive. You never know what’s coming and when conflict arises, you go into survival mode. Whatever your reaction, when you’re in survival mode, your brain and body don’t process frightening or painful emotions and experiences. One review and analysis of questionnaires on family dysfunction, childhood abuse, and parental alcoholism assessed alcohol risk as it related to nine ACEs.

Rehab for Adult Children of Alcoholics

You can’t predict how the alcoholic will behave from one day to another. There is often constant arguing, little order, and no way to know what to expect around routines and needs. • Whether or not it’s the parents, who they would normally go to for comfort and reassurance who are causing the stress. Our hope is merely to capture the spirit of the fellowships, and to approach people with the language they commonly use to describe the disease of addiction.

It can get confusing for many people who aren’t quite sure…

Whether your adult children of alcoholic trauma syndrome trauma experiences were ongoing or not, you can find a home in ACA with those of us who have similar life stories. But because ACoAs didn’t have the chance to learn positive resolution skills, conflict can quickly trigger aggressive behavior. Or you may be conflict avoidant, meaning you handle conflicts by pretending they don’t exist. It’s hard to predict your parents’ next move and you never really know if your needs are going to be met or ignored. And that kind of unpredictability can create problems down the line. People who have felt traumatized may alternate between anxious clinging and taking refuge in avoiding connections with other people.

And they can show themselves the love, patience and respect they deserve. An adult child of an alcoholic may exhibit insecure attachment styles, such as anxious-preoccupied or dismissive-avoidant, due to emotional neglect experienced in childhood, impacting their relationships and emotional well-being. This lack of emotional support can lead to feelings of abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness in children. This emotional turmoil can result in emotional dysregulation, low self-esteem and difficulty managing emotions. They may struggle with feelings of guilt and shame about their family situation.

Only trained and licensed medical professionals can provide such services. If you or anyone you know is undergoing a severe health crisis, call a doctor or 911 immediately. All information provided in featured rehab listings is verified by the facility officials. The details are kept up to date to help people with addiction treatment needs get the most full and precise facts about the rehabilitation facility. Individual therapy is a great place to start, says Michelle Dubey, LCSW, chief clinical officer for Landmark Recovery.

They lose all confidence in their abilities because they never have to practice them. Oftentimes, the more dysfunctional a family becomes, the more isolated it becomes from other families. Having somewhere to go that feels safe and offers a different model of how to live can have a lasting, positive impact on a child that counters the effects of growing up with trauma. ACoAs often talk about grandparents’ houses, spending time at the neighbor’s, the house of a friend or relative, or a job where they could regain their balance and recognize that the world is full of options. These experiences restore a sense of hope and direction for the CoA. There is a power imbalance, the child is small, the parent is big.

It can be difficult for anyone, especially a child, to watch their parent(s) struggle with addiction. Because many young children oftentimes don’t understand what addiction is, they may view their parent’s inconsistent parenting or abandonment of them as the child not being worthy of their parent’s love and attention. Growing up with a parent addicted to alcohol can make for a difficult childhood. Some adult children of alcoholics, (or ACoAs) turn to alcohol themselves, while others find themselves disconnected from the world around them.

It can take a lifetime for adult children of alcoholics to repair the emotional damage from their childhood. You can’t erase your past or the pain from it, but you can find ways to let go of its hold on you and live a joyful life. I believe one of the eight alternative sets of steps currently being offered for consideration by the ACA fellowship in the recently posted survey on the ACA website, fits those criteria. The previous set of traumas impacts the ability of children of alcoholics to develop healthy social skills and social bonds.

Never entirely sure how they’d act or react, you might have found yourself constantly on high alert, ready to respond accordingly and protect yourself. According to a small 2016 study involving 100 children ages 7 to 14, those who had fathers with alcohol dependence were more likely to show signs of impulsivity than those whose fathers did not have alcohol dependence. Growing up with a parent who has AUD can create an environment of unpredictability, fear, confusion, and distress, says Peifer. These conditions can take a toll on your sense of safety, which may then affect the way you communicate with and relate to others.